You would think, after being cooped up so often in the last several weeks, my kids would be glad to be out and about and would behave themselves and act like civilized children.
I took them to the play area in our mall yesterday morning. (Andy had to work all day/night.) Adelaide had pulled out and lost her earrings, and the regular ones I put in as substitutes she can get out in the blink of an eye. I needed more of those piercing studs that are much harder to remove, which is why I chose the mall for our outing. That, and the play area is free.
The mall part of the trip went without a hitch. We left even though it was lunchtime, because I didn’t feel like dealing with the chaos that is the food court. But as soon as everyone was buckled in their carseats, they began to complain how hungry they were, and I still had to stop in Wal*mart.
(We were out of wipes. If you’ve read here for any length of time, you know that Adelaide in diapers means we must have wipes. Lots and lots of wipes.)
So I thought we could eat quickly at McDonald’s and went through the drive-thru. They wanted to eat inside, and I was fine with that because it meant the mess would not be in my van. So I picked up the food from the window, parked, and we went into the kid/play room and sat down at a table.
After the kids had eaten, of course they ran off to play. I wanted to wrap it up (I mean, we’d just spent an hour playing at the mall!) and so I called for them to come down and get their shoes on.
Crickets, they are chirping.
Madeline comes down and begins doing her potty dance. You know where this is going, don’t you?
Adelaide, unfortunately, is too short to get herself down – she can’t see that she’s only inches away from the next level of the split-level-ladder-thing. So I sent Madeline back up to help her because no way was I going to cram myself into it and attempt to get her. And Drew was out of earshot, as far as I knew.
I spent the next ten minutes yelling at various children to help their sister, no go down the slide, okay show Adelaide where the slide is, no JUST HELP HER DOWN ALREADY. Madeline was again at my side, “I have to poop, Mommy, I have to poop!!!” I’m screaming at the others at this point to come NOW and finally had to do the unthinkable – climb up there myself and get Adelaide down.
The next thing I know, Madeline is pulling her hand out of her pants, covered in poop.
(I’ll delete this post before she’s a teenager. It can be our little secret.)
I, as calmly as I could, wiped her hand, grabbed all our stuff, somehow managed to gather Adelaide, and herd them all to the bathroom in the back. I tried to clean up Madeline as best I could (why do they not have paper towels when I need them?) with water and toilet paper. Adelaide and Drew played with the hand dryer in the meantime. Loud.
I threw the offending panties in the trash, explained to her that we were just going to have to throw that pair away and she’d just have to ride home in her jeans, scrubbed our hands, and began herding them out to the car.
As I was opening the door to walk outside, OF COURSE I dropped the HiC orange drink I was carrying and it splashed up everywhere. When it rains? It pours.
Suffice it to say, we did NOT go to Wal*mart then. We went last night after Madeline’s bath, naps, and dinner. But clearly my kids were out to get me yesterday because they were TERRIBLE the entire time we were there. My glares and threats meant nothing (until we got home). They ran, danced, played tag, and touched EVERYTHING. Madeline even climbed up into the icebox and shut the door while I was swiping my debit card.
Oh, and I had repeatedly ran into the same couple on every. single. aisle. They even pulled behind me in the checkout lane. An audience. Figures.
(Perhaps I should’ve titled this post “Adventures in Humiliation.”)Filed under Daily Life, It's A Mom Thing | Comments (18)