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Parenting on Purpose
By Moriah on May 5th, 2009
A few weeks ago Andy and I attended a short parenting conference put on by the youth of our church. (They did all the babysitting and served the lunch, accepting donations for upcoming missions trips, etc. I thought it was a great way to do fundraising and I know they blessed us parents through their work that day.)
There were three speakers; our senior pastor’s topic was “The Training and Instruction of the Lord,” one of the elders (who also happens to be our Sunday School teacher) spoke on communication, and the director of the local Christian youth network spoke on “Fueling Your Child’s Passion for Christ.”
Even though the conference was short, it was one of the highlights in my (continuing) education on how to be a godly parent. (I need to find out if any of it was recorded and get a copy, STAT.) Due to length, I’m going to have to break this into more than one post…
THE TRAINING AND INSTRUCTION OF THE LORD
Introduction: Col. 3:20-21; Eph. 6:1-4
These are the two verses that speak to children obeying their parents in the Lord. Pointed out that immediately after that directive in both verses, Paul tells fathers not to embitter or exasperate their children – this is just as important as that obedience! You can embitter or exasperate both by underdisciplining AND by overdisciplining.
I. You are to train & instruct them by your walk
A. Scripture teaches believers how to “walk” – (Deut. 8:6, I John 1:7; 2 John 6; 3 John 4)
B. By your walk you teach & instruct them 24/7 – they pick up more by watching you than what you say
C. If your walk fails consistently to line up with your talk then they will learn to disrespect and then disregard you
D. But if your walk matches your talk, you can become your child’s hero
E. Therefore,
1. How should you live? (Col. 3:12-17)
2. What should you do when you sin? Your children should know what confession/repentance/forgiveness looks like because they watch YOU
a. If your kids never see you repent or ask forgiveness, you are deceiving them and living a lie
II. You are to train & instruct them by your words
A. “Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me” – that’s a LIE. (Prov. 12:18; 15:1; 25:11; 4:3-5, 20-22) Words are a double-edged sword, can be used for life and health.
B. Informal training and instruction – happens all the time
C. Formal training and instruction (Deut. 6:7)
1. Teach them about men and women who had a passion for the Lord and served others in His name
III. You are to train & instruct them by your disciplining
A. Training and Instruction –
1. They should obey you without challenge, excuse, or delay
2. Remember Paul’s warning (introduction above)
3. Remember your purpose
B. A Biblical pattern of discipline
1. Spanking (Prov. 22:15; 13:24; 23:13-14; 29:15)
2. How we did it…
a. When our child deliberately disobeyed, we took them aside
b. We talked WITH (not at) them, and asked two questions:
i. Do you love me?
ii. Do you love Jesus?
iii. Disobedience IS sin.
c. We then…
i. Spanked them (Prov. 22:15; 13:24; 23:13-14)
ii. Forgave them, assured them of our love
iii. Prayed with them
iv. And then it was OVER (Like our sins are IMMEDIATELY over with God)
IV. A Few Brief Observations
A. Raising children should be a delight (Prov. 29:17)
1. The first few years are crucial
2. The teen years should be a delight (they should be well trained by then in practicing “common courtesy”
a. Discernment
b. The biggies: LYING & DISRESPECT
B. Remember: Your child’s relationship with the Lord is ultimately their responsibility
BUT WHILE THEY ARE STILL YOURS YOU CAN BE USED PROFOUNDLY BY THE LORD TO SHAPE & MOLD THEIR THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS…
AND IN THIS LIFETIME YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A GREATER RESPONSIBILITY, OPPORTUNITY OR PRIVILEGE
(Outline follows handout.)
10 Responses to “Parenting on Purpose”
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Thanks, Moriah! Wise words, I think. The early years are essential for training in attitudes. And yes, the teen years can be delightful (or often delightful), if you do a good job when they’re young. It saddens me that so many Christian parents have bought into the worldly belief that spanking is evil. It establishes authority, is quick and effective, and sets clear boundaries for children, which they need. Unfortunately it is sometimes easy to spot children whose parents don’t “believe” in spanking.
And the importance of apologizing to and asking forgiveness from your children – essential! How can we expect them to do it when they’ve NEVER heard us do it? How can we convince them that it works, if we don’t practice it?
Wise words, indeed.
I was talking with a friend the other day and I mentioned something about my son being close to teenage years. I was sorta wondering how much longer his desire to be a part of the family would last before he “disengaged” and “checked out.” She asked me why I was so quick to assume he would. Even though it seems to be expected and normal behavior for a teen, it doesn’t have to be.
She’s right. I’m not in the same stage of parenting that you and Andy are, but I am hoping that we can begin to see some payoff in these years. I don’t expect them to be a breeze or anything…there’s still LOTS of molding/shaping/instruction to be done, but I would rejoice to see some affirmation as well.
One thing I think is important at any age is the gift of touch after discipline has been doled out. Just a hug or a pat or a tickle or something. To reassure them of your gentleness. My .02
Excellent, Moriah. I’m wondering if there is a cd of the talks? I would LOVE to get one. If so…let me know where/how I could go about getting one. (thanks!) This stuff is fantastic, and such a good reminder as we try and parent and struggle with consistency and demanding obedience quickly, first time etc.
Mer – absolutely! Those are often the tenderest moments.
I’d love to get one, too! I’ll ask.
Good stuff! I’d love the CDs. It’s good to be reminded of the bigger picture. Thanks!
Nothing brings a mother greater joy than to see her daughter raising her grandchildren up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I pray for you and Andy and kids daily. Being a mother is the hardest job but most rewarding. I’ll copy what I wrote to you 5 years ago after the birth of your firstborn…. My precious Moriah. You are now a mother!! God has blessed you and Andy with the precious life of your firstborn son. God has trusted you with this child. Just as God has given you this miracle, He will continue to work miracles in Drew’s life and in your own. Motherhood is a very high calling. You will experience great joys and great sorrows. The key is looking to your Lord daily. He will give you all that you need. Next important is Andy. The best gift you can give your children is to love their father and care for him. I encourage you to use this journal to record your journey of motherhood. Seeing how God answers prayer is encouraging. I dearly love you and thank God for my godly daughter who is now a godly mother.
Happy Mother’s Day to a great mother!! Mom
Good reminders to remember the basics, and that discipline is not the only way we train our children. Very timely! :)
Oh my, I need to come back when I can really soak this in. Lord knows I need help in the parenting department sometimes. LOL You never know til your here how hard it is, am I right?
Hi Moriah,
I visit your blog once and awhile and am always very encouraged. This post was especially encouraging for me today. I am having a hard parenting day – and this really helped me get my mind and thoughts back on track. Thanks for taking the time to post it!
I hope you have a great week – and congratulations on your baby news!
Blessings,
Rebecca