I was a little surprised Arianna actually stayed sitting with the rest of the kids. Usually my babies like to bolt.

Drew was cracking me up with the “chair” he found.

And he stayed like that for quite some time.

Funny that we had this many girls in pigtails!

Madeline turns 6 today (!!!) so on the way home from the park we stopped in W*mart for an early birthday present – BABY POOL!

(It was mid-90s yesterday; water-playing absolutely necessary.)

Watch out, she’s armed!

We finished up our day o’ fun with a $5 pizza from Papa John’s (Tuesday special).

(And yes, I totally counted that as a bath.)

(Kinda like What I Wore Wednesday but for the littles. Yeah, FUN.)

I took my two little girls to the children’s museum on Tuesday and met a friend there.

On Adelaide: dress is MJC, ruffle leggings are from Babies R Us, and jellies are from Old Navy.

On Arianna: tee and top are MJC, ruffle jeans are customs from Emmifaye Boutique (Etsy), and shoes are Livie & Luca.

She was running and tripped head first into the little mini picnic bench – nice forehead, huh?

Pearls are Madeline’s, I think they came from Walmart. I love how Arianna knew exactly what to do with them. :)

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Okay. I’m having a hard time. Yesterday was just plain out bad and my brain felt half asleep the whole day. I said yes to things for my kids that I never should have agreed to because clearly they were things I didn’t have the energy for. Being cooped up due to rain DID. NOT. HELP. (Have I ever mentioned my kids don’t have school on Wednesdays? I was loathing that policy right about 10 a.m.)

Today’s better. I feel better. I think I struggle more with ante-partum depression than post-partum. Once the baby’s out it’s party time, you know. Paint the cabinets, get going! Now? Yeah, notsomuch.

ANYwaaaaay, just didn’t want to leave anyone hanging. We had Adelaide’s little birthday party over the weekend (rained out, go figure!) and I’ve been trying to get around to finishing the photo editing ever since. I’ll get there. Someday, right?

I haven’t mentioned this here yet but I’m sure a lot of you are wondering about the on-going status of Andy’s job search. He’s been in a real estate course these past couple of weeks and takes the state exam tomorrow. It’s been busy – he’s gone all day in class and then he studies all evening. I was SO glad my mom was here for the majority of it. They did a practice test at the school last Friday and he got a 98% – so I’m not too worried. The plan is for him to work as the buyers agent for a friend of ours (also a realtor but pretty much only sells.) They’ll be a team of two and I know it will be good. I told Andy I just want to eat and wear cute shoes.

Arianna’s finger – doing well! The stitches aren’t quite all dissolved so it still has to be wrapped up. (But we did ditch the splint after three weeks.) I tried to wrap just her finger but she had it pulled off in about 3 minutes. So hand it is.

The kids have been loving this weather, and are pretty much staying outside the entire day. Andy took Drew and Madeline on a long hike over the weekend and he said they did great with NO COMPLAINING! I’m pretty sure I’ve complained on every hike I’ve ever been on. (ha) Right now I can barely manage the grocery store without feeling completely sore afterwards (doesn’t help when I had to cross the store three times looking for lighter fluid). I’m definitely entering the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy.

Lighter fluid – yes, the Lewins came over for BBQ on Friday night. I love having them over because I don’t feel pressure to clean first. Love friends like that. We stayed outside mostly anyway, and ate on the deck. I love spring! (And I’ve been wishing all weekend I had taken her up on that offer to leave us some of her homemade chocolate pudding pie.)

Okay, the people are calling. Here’s to a good springbreak!

It started fine, then Arianna’s hand got smashed in the door and she spent the rest of the morning pretty cranky, following me around whining or demanding to be held. We were out of milk (her consoling naptime partner). I finally put my foot down and we all went to Wmart just to get the milk. In the rain.

When we got home she somehow got a hold of a sugar bag, got it open, and dumped it out on the floor between her legs and went to town. All while I was bringing in the groceries. (I would have gotten a sugar-coated photo if my head hadn’t been about ready to combust.) One huge gritty sticky mess. My kitchen floor is still a little crunchy. (That’s the part where I went and hid.)

SO THANKFUL Andy came home after a half-day and we pushed up our sleeves and scrubbed our house. I’m the kind of person that if my house is out of control, my life feels out of control. He’s been really busy with temporary construction-type work and I’d been sick, add in a few wild kids and you have a situation bordering on disaster.

Oh, and then the prong of my new(ish) vacuum plug broke. On Cleaning Day. Go figure.

ANYway. We did get things under some sort of order, I got a bag of toys ready for donation, and we have some momentum to finish things up today. I only tell you all that to say – THIS IS THE REAL DEAL, FOLKS. We all have terrible, no good days.

(And believe me, I put Arianna in the nursery last night at church so I could breathe in peace.)

Alternate title: What I Really Look Like

Sooo, surprise? Us, too! I’ve been (rather foolishly, apparently) waiting for Andy to get a job before I announced this pregnancy because, well, the timing.

BUT. I know God is faithful and He cares for ALL of His children. We’re leaning hard on that.

And yes! We already know it’s a boy. (Long story.) So, while we probably wouldn’t have chosen to have Number 5 at this particular moment in our lives, we ARE excited AND thankful.

So much FUN.

Madeline likewise took off riding her bike without the training wheels. And it was the same sort of way, as if she’d been doing it forever. (I guess we should have taken them off earlier.) Funny thing, Drew was the one that went to the shed and got Andy’s tools out and took her training wheels off all by himself.

Yeah. WHO NEEDS PARENTS?!

The lightbulb, it just went off.

Inspired, I asked Madeline if she wanted to put away her laundry, which she did, (mostly) perfectly.

Now. There are plenty of things my kids help with around the house but I’m a bit, uh, particular about the way things are washed and folded. Plus my mom did all the laundry growing up and so it’s my way of paying it forward. But getting it put away??? TOTALLY my kids’ job now.

Totally.

(What else do you have your kids do?)

They had slept late during their nap yesterday, which means they were wired at 8 p.m. while I was exhausted. Funny how that works. I didn’t yell at anyone, though, so there’s that.

And then Adelaide’s been doing this get-up-a-million-times-a-night-after-I-put-her-down thing, even after being disciplined for it. She’s a wee bit, um, headstrong. But the things she says are so hilarious it’s almost worth it just to see what she’s gonna say.

The kids don’t go back to school for another full month, and a very very hot one at that. It sort of makes me want to curl up in a ball on my closet floor or just set up a tent right next to the pool. Thankfully we have plans tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday with friends – everyone needs a daily dose of good old family fun to keep the spirits high. We may even be in B’ham this weekend before her baby comes.

Ooh, and then my mom and sisters get here soon. The kids are talking about it by the minute. And I may be, too.

(That photo doesn’t show the depth well, but it’s really a full on the bottom and a regular-sized twin on top.)

Arianna slept in there, too, in the crib. She woke up once (at 2 a.m.), nursed, and then slept the rest of the night.

(And there was much rejoicing.)

Plus, I had been holding Arianna while trying to manage with the chicken salad, and a mayonnaisey piece fell down the front of my shirt.  (Sorry…just had to share.)  Funny, except when you’re over-tired and already a wee bit stressed.

I also forgot my camera.  These were taken at home after we had relaxed some and she had been fed.

HOWEVER.

On Saturday we found a potential car, ran the history reports, called my sister to come stay with the kids, drove about 45 minutes away to see it, decided to buy it and then did, that afternoon. I had asked the Lord to make it easy if that was what we were supposed to do, and everything kept falling smoothly into place. So that’s that, I have wheels again.

The again-found freedom must have gone to my head, however, because I took all four kids to two different Targets today, on the hunt for various sizes. (Please tell me mine aren’t the only kids who like to “hide” behind the stroller and pack n’ play boxes.)

As we were leaving the second store, I was paying for $1 popcorn for the ride home (SO THAT THEY WOULDN’T FALL ASLEEP) and heard the cashier say “get down!”

Turned around to find Drew standing on the counter above the bar-stools and Madeline walking on the half-wall above it that separates the food court, using it like a balance beam.

WHO ARE THESE CHILDREN AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

(You can imagine how our conversation went on the way home…“We do not walk on the furniture, even in Target!!!”) In all the pulling-children-from-places-they-should-not-be, one of Adelaide’s “flick-flocks” got left. Some amazingly kind soul in the parking lot went and found it and brought it out to me.

Yes. I am that mother.

That would be a negative, Tower.*

Honestly, I sort of forgot about all that stuff. I suppose I need to dig around and find the infant car seat in the attic, shake the dust off and wash the cover. I have no idea where my nursing bras are. And hospital bag? What’s that?

Have I pre-registered at the hospital? Another negative, Tower.

(I have my GBS test on Friday and so I’m planning on swinging by the hospital on my way home.)

(If I remember.)

This has all felt so far in the future for so long, it sort of seems shocking that we could very well have her here in two weeks.

My oh my, where did the time go?

(*My dad was a pilot. He always said that to us.)

Several weeks ago Dolly mentioned she was thinking of switching to cloth diapers and showed me the ones she was trying. That got my mental wheels turning, visions of future dollar signs saved in my head.

I never would have dreamed doing cloth with Drew… I didn’t really know anyone who wasn’t using disposables and assumed the cloth options were still like what my grandmother would have used.

So imagine my surprise when I found out about this little gem:

It pretty much works the same as a disposable, save that you don’t actually, you know, dispose of it.

Since then I found a few really great sales, and let’s just say there’s no turning back now. I have a few disposables left, but I’m saving them for church. Adelaide’s been wearing panties during the day but she’s been wearing a cloth diaper the past few naps and last night I crossed my fingers and put one on her for overnight.

12 hours later, she woke up dry. (I mean, the diaper was soaked, but her jammies and sheets were dry.)

I bought only the one-size (adjustable to fit babies 7-35 pounds), and the bulk of them will be used by the new baby. But I figured I might as well have her be wearing them in the meantime; there’s no sense in spending even more money on any more packs of Luvs.

So I did what any normal person would do, and took my kids to Target.

The last time I was there, which would have been Monday for bigger socks, my kids were AWFUL. Madeline got yelled at by an employee for running around ‘hiding’ in the middle of the toddler clothing rounders and then both she and Drew climbed behind the pack n’ play boxes.

Adelaide somehow escaped from the lap belt in the cart and climbed out and ran off. I was not amused. We got several Looks. And yes, they paid the price of disobedience once we got home.

So this time I told Madeline she had to sit in the double stroller with Adelaide. And, on a whim, I agreed to Drew pushing the whole thing.

He only almost ran into someone once. For the most part he did great. He was a little slow to walk next to and he didn’t exactly push a straight line. But it kept him more than occupied and he took his responsibility VERY seriously.

And, in case you’re wondering, this is what Adelaide wore the entire time we were out:

She has a thing or twelve for accessories.

Yesterday was much better than Tuesday. We even managed to get out in the morning for a few errands; the bank drive-thru and the grocery store (Drew sat in the stroller with his leg propped up). Of course it would rain when we were walking out, so I had him cover his leg with a plastic sack.

I know, I’m so industrious.

Other than that, it was much of the same. Movies, books, coloring… and lots and lots of pain killers.

“I’m coloring the eggs green because I couldn’t find white.” – Madeline, age 3 1/2.

Well.

I took them to the play area in our mall yesterday morning. (Andy had to work all day/night.) Adelaide had pulled out and lost her earrings, and the regular ones I put in as substitutes she can get out in the blink of an eye. I needed more of those piercing studs that are much harder to remove, which is why I chose the mall for our outing. That, and the play area is free.

The mall part of the trip went without a hitch. We left even though it was lunchtime, because I didn’t feel like dealing with the chaos that is the food court. But as soon as everyone was buckled in their carseats, they began to complain how hungry they were, and I still had to stop in Wal*mart.

(We were out of wipes. If you’ve read here for any length of time, you know that Adelaide in diapers means we must have wipes. Lots and lots of wipes.)

So I thought we could eat quickly at McDonald’s and went through the drive-thru. They wanted to eat inside, and I was fine with that because it meant the mess would not be in my van. So I picked up the food from the window, parked, and we went into the kid/play room and sat down at a table.

After the kids had eaten, of course they ran off to play. I wanted to wrap it up (I mean, we’d just spent an hour playing at the mall!) and so I called for them to come down and get their shoes on.

Crickets, they are chirping.

Madeline comes down and begins doing her potty dance. You know where this is going, don’t you?

Adelaide, unfortunately, is too short to get herself down – she can’t see that she’s only inches away from the next level of the split-level-ladder-thing. So I sent Madeline back up to help her because no way was I going to cram myself into it and attempt to get her. And Drew was out of earshot, as far as I knew.

I spent the next ten minutes yelling at various children to help their sister, no go down the slide, okay show Adelaide where the slide is, no JUST HELP HER DOWN ALREADY. Madeline was again at my side, “I have to poop, Mommy, I have to poop!!!” I’m screaming at the others at this point to come NOW and finally had to do the unthinkable – climb up there myself and get Adelaide down.

The next thing I know, Madeline is pulling her hand out of her pants, covered in poop.

(!!!)

(I’ll delete this post before she’s a teenager. It can be our little secret.)

I, as calmly as I could, wiped her hand, grabbed all our stuff, somehow managed to gather Adelaide, and herd them all to the bathroom in the back. I tried to clean up Madeline as best I could (why do they not have paper towels when I need them?) with water and toilet paper. Adelaide and Drew played with the hand dryer in the meantime. Loud.

I threw the offending panties in the trash, explained to her that we were just going to have to throw that pair away and she’d just have to ride home in her jeans, scrubbed our hands, and began herding them out to the car.

As I was opening the door to walk outside, OF COURSE I dropped the HiC orange drink I was carrying and it splashed up everywhere. When it rains? It pours.

Suffice it to say, we did NOT go to Wal*mart then. We went last night after Madeline’s bath, naps, and dinner. But clearly my kids were out to get me yesterday because they were TERRIBLE the entire time we were there. My glares and threats meant nothing (until we got home). They ran, danced, played tag, and touched EVERYTHING. Madeline even climbed up into the icebox and shut the door while I was swiping my debit card.

Oh, and I had repeatedly ran into the same couple on every. single. aisle. They even pulled behind me in the checkout lane. An audience. Figures.

(Perhaps I should’ve titled this post “Adventures in Humiliation.”)

Today was particularly trying.  I let the kids play outside this morning – which was going swimmingly until Adelaide decided to turn on the water from the outside faucet.  The best description I can think of is MUD BATH.  Both she and Drew had splashed around in it sufficiently before they paid any attention to the woman yelling at them from the deck (that would be me).

Oh, and the dog poop?  I don’t think anyone has actually gone and done anything about it.  Several of the kids shoes are sporting ripe-smelling lumps.  (Sorry.  I know.)

So back to the muddy children.  I peeled their clothes off outside, and sent them all into the bathtub.  I needed to scrub the pen marks off of Adelaide anyway.

I got her down for a nap, safe and sound – and left Drew and Madeline to play in the tub while I folded mountains of laundry (5 loads to be exact.  Unfortunately it was last week’s laundry and I still have mountains, only they’re dirty).

When I went into the bathroom later, I stepped into at least an inch of standing water.  I’m glad I wasn’t wearing socks; that might have been the boiling point.  I was angry enough.  They know that water-splashing is sooo against the rules.

And speaking of puddles of water, twice today Madeline poured her own cup of water and, well, let’s just say her Brita-pitcher aim leaves something to be desired.

I self-medicated during naptime with sweet tea and fresh lemon and hot mozzarella sticks with marinara.  (Junk food = does a mama good.)

The rest of the evening went in much the same fashion.  I served peanut butter & jelly for dinner – that was about all I could muster.  The kids are all mercifully tucked in bed and even though my house is still a wreck, I can breathe just a little easier.

And I’m hoping tomorrow? Will be better.

But we also don’t want our precious little girl climbing into the backseat of a strange man’s car in a parking lot simply because she was ordered to do so.

So how do we teach our kids to differentiate when it’s appropriate to obey an adult (when they’re a proper authority), and when it’s entirely appropriate (and necessary) for them to say no?

Andy and I have recently been browsing Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, which deals particularly with these kinds of issues. We highly recommend it to anyone who has to deal with people (that would be you).

But concerning childrearing specifically, there are a few helpful things I want to mention. We want our kids to grow into adults that are responsible for themselves. They should learn to know their own needs – meaning physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Once they’ve learned to do this, they should not have to rely on others to point their needs out to them. The book refers to this as “carrying one’s own knapsack.”

(We each of us have our own personal knapsack we are required to carry throughout our lives. When the Bible speaks of ‘carrying others burdens,’ it’s talking about true burdens, NOT another person’s ordinary personal knapsack. We want our children to identify and shoulder their own knapsacks.)

To this end, we encourage our kids to own their feelings and be free to talk about them. We encourage them to own their basic physical needs and to learn (over time) to be responsible for them. (And note, this might not always be convenient for the parent!)

The family unit was designed by God to grow His people up. First is love and attachment, then comes responsibility and maturation. “As we teach them the merits and limits of responsibility, we teach them autonomy – we prepare them to take on the tasks of adulthood.” (p.170)

How do we teach responsibility? By discipline. Discipline is two-faceted; positive (proactivity, prevention, and instruction) and negative (correction, chastisement, and consequences). Good childrearing involves both. (171)

From the same page, “For example, you set a ten o’clock bedtime for your fourteen-year-old. ‘It’s there so that you’ll get enough sleep to be alert in school,’ you tell her. You’ve just disciplined positively. Then your teen dawdles until 11:30 p.m. The next day you say ‘Because you did not get to bed on time last night, you may not use the phone today.’ You’ve just disciplined negatively.

“Why are both the carrot and the whip necessary in good boundary development? Because God uses practice – trial and error – to help us grow up. We learn maturity by getting information, applying it poorly, making mistakes, learning from our mistakes, and doing it better next time.”

So back to my initial thoughts. Discipline trains up the internal boundaries of a child for the time when mom and dad can’t be there to guide. And since they stated it far better than I ever could, I’ll end with the lengthy example from the book of exactly what I’m talking about:

“Consider the following two twelve-year-old boys: Jimmy is talking with his parents at the dinner table. ‘Guess what – some kids wanted me to smoke pot with them. When I told them I didn’t want to, they said I was a sissy. I told them they were dumb. I like some of them, but if they can’t like me because I don’t smoke pot, I guess they aren’t really my friends.’

“Paul comes home after school with red eyes, slurred speech, and coordination difficulties. When asked by his concerned parents what is wrong, he denies everything until, finally, he blurts out, ‘Everybody’s doing it. Why do you hate my friends?’

“Both Jimmy and Paul come from Christian homes with lots of love and an adherence to biblical values. Why did they turn out so differently? Jimmy’s parents allowed disagreements between parent and child and gave him practice in the skill of boundary setting, even with them. Jimmy’s mom would be holding and hugging her two-year-old when he would get fidgety. He’d say ‘Down,’ meaning, ‘Let me get a little breathing space, Ma.’ Fighting her own impulses to hold on to her child, she would set him down on the floor and say, ‘wanna play with your trucks?’

“Jimmy’s dad used the same philosophy. When wrestling with his son on the floor, he tried to pay attention to Jimmy’s limits. When the going got too rough, or when Jimmy was tired, he could say, ‘Stop, Daddy,’ and Dad would get up. They’d go to another game.

“Jimmy was receiving boundary training. He was learning that when he was scared, in discomfort, or wanted to change things, he could say no. This little word gave him a sense of power in his life. It took him out of a helpless or compliant position. And Jimmy could say it without receiving an angry and hurt response, or a manipulative countermove, such as, ‘But Jimmy, Mommy needs to hold you now, okay?’

“Jimmy learned from infancy on that his boundaries were good and that he could use them to protect himself. He learned to resist things that weren’t good for him.

“A hallmark of Jimmy’s family was permission to disagree. When, for example, Jimmy would fight his parents about his bedtime, they never withdrew or punished him for disagreeing. Instead, they would listen to his reasoning, and, if it seemed appropriate, they would change their minds. If not, they would maintain their boundaries.

“Jimmy was also given a vote in some family matters. When family night out would come up, his parents listened to his opinion on whether they should go to a movie, play board games, or play basketball. Was this a family with no limits? On the contrary! It was a family who took boundary setting seriously – as a skill to develop in its children.

“This was good practice for resisting in the evil day (Eph. 5:16), when some of Jimmy’s friends turned on him and pressured him to take drugs. How was Jimmy able to refuse? Because by then, he’d had ten or eleven years of practice disagreeing with people who were important to him without losing their love. He didn’t fear abandonment in standing up against his friends. He’d done it many times successfully with his family with no loss of love.

“Paul, on the other hand, came from a different family setting. In his home, no had two different responses. His mom would be hurt and withdraw and pout. She would send guilt messages, such as ‘How can you say no to your mom who loves you?’ His dad would get angry, threaten him, and say things like, ‘Don’t talk back to me, Mister.’

“It didn’t take long for Paul to learn that to have his way, he had to be externally compliant. He developed a strong yes on the outside, seeming to agree with his family’s values and control. Whatever he thought about a subject – the dinner menu, TV restrictions, church choices, clothes, or curfews – he stuffed inside.

“Once, when he had tried to resist his mother’s hug, she had immediately withdrawn from him, pushing him away with the words, ‘Someday you’ll feel sorry for hurting your mother’s feelings like that.’ Day by day, Paul was being trained to not set limits.

“As a result of his learned boundarylessness, Pau
l seemed to be a content, respectful son. The teens, however, are a crucible for kids. We find out what kind of character has actually been built into our children during this difficult passage.

“Paul folded. He gave in to his friends’ pressure. Is it any wonder that the first people he said no to were his parents – at twelve years old? Resentment and the years of not having boundaries were beginning to erode the compliant, easy-to-live-with false self he’d developed to survive.”

***

The chapter also includes interesting discussion on teaching kids “to know what they are responsible for and what they aren’t responsible for, knowing how to say no and knowing how to accept no” (169), teaching the continuum of delaying gratification (for a greater good) (181), and finally the goals of teaching our children to have an internal sense of boundaries and to respect the boundaries of others (192).